For those of you who don't know, my mom gave it her all in the battle against Leukemia. And when I say she gave it her all I am not kidding. From the diagnosis all the way to the end, she never gave up. I can remember talking to her on the phone literally hours after finding out that she was diagnosed, and the first words out of her mouth to me were, "Are you ok?" Like anyone else who is asked this question, it brings out the most raw emotion that a human can posses. "Mom I'm scared." I said with tears streaming down my face.
"I am too, but I am going to beat this and everything will be fine."
In the midst of a life changing moment, for all of us, how is it that she was able to keep this optimism about her? Here I am, the oldest child, and the only boy, and the biggest momma's boy ever, and I am asking myself how can she do that? Well I will be the first to tell you that my mom is just that awesome. However, even in the thick of all of it, I had no idea what to do, and or think. So I shut down and close up. Thankfully my friends who know me well enough know that something is up."Josh are you ok?" Again, I don't know what it is about those words that causes me to break down, but it does every single time. My close friend whom I had met just a few months prior quickly knew that something was up and stepped up to the plate in ways I couldn't imagine. It was then when I told him the news that I had received regarding my mom. "Everything's gonna be ok man. She's going to beat this" Knowing that my friends were there to help me during this helped me out more than I think they will ever know. Even my friends in Utah were there for me even though they were 400+ miles away, I still felt their support, even as they were in complete shock about the news that I had given them.
Months go by, and sure enough through multiple rounds of chemo, my mom, being the resilient woman she is, goes into remission. What a joyful time this is, and one that I look back on and cherish. Also during this time I met Katherine, who I started dating and eventually would marry. She came into the picture at a very interesting time in my life. A time when there were moments when I thought that my world was crashing down, but she was there at my side.
Over the course of the next few months, I become engaged, and now it's a wedding to plan for. Originally we were going to be married in the Salt Lake Temple, the same temple that I was sealed to my parents, but the Dr.'s had said that my mom's condition wouldn't allow her to travel long distances. That was a hard decision to make for us, because both Katherine and I wanted that to be where we got married, but I wanted my parents there for my wedding. Being LDS, we strive to be married and sealed in the Temple. This is a very sacred ordinance in our faith, and only those members who are in good standing with the church and living the standards set may enter it's doors. The decision had been made to move the wedding from the Salt Lake Temple to the Denver Temple. Which was a lot closer for our immediate families, but our extended families would have to make quite the trip to come. But it worked out in the end.August 14, 2010 was an amazing day. My wedding day, a day I will never forget. We were incredibly lucky that day. I look back through our pictures and a flood of memories and emotions come back about that day. I look at the pictures that we took my the wedding party, and especially the pictures of me with my best man and the groomsmen, and I think about how I came to choose them as my groomsmen. I am sure that none of them know this, but I will spill the beans about my decision for them. Each and every one of them had a big role in helping me at the time that I found out about my mom being diagnosed. They were incredibly supportive even though the majority of them didn't know how I felt at that point in time, it did not matter because they did what they could to help me in this time of need.
How grateful I am for them and my friendship with those men who stepped up and did what they could to help me.
The man that we had asked to be the one to officiate the wedding ceremony had been a close family friend of ours, and one who had known everything that my family had been through up to this point, graciously accepted the opportunity to officiate this occasion for us. It was a beautiful ceremony, one of joy and many tears were shed but they were very happy tears. Most importantly the fact that my mom got to see her little boy get married was definitely a highlight for me, especially on the happiest day of my life. An amazing day that I will always remember. I loved that day. I was able to have the perfect day with the woman I love, my amazing wife, and I was able to share that with my family and friends.
Due to modern medicine, what would of tragically taken my mom from this earth allowed us the blessing to be able to spend another two years with her in this life. I can still remember that phone call that I made early in the morning in Feb. of 2012. The phone call went like this,
Me: "Mom?"
Mom: "Yes?"
Me: "Lucas is here..... he's an amazing little boy"
Mom: "That's awesome, Congratulations.. you're dad and I will be up there in a few hours to meet him"
Me: "I love you mom"
Mom: "I love you too"
In a day that was the longest day of my life, but also the most life changing, that will be a day that I will never forget.
Sure enough, a few hours later, my parents made the drive up to greeley to meet their newest grandson, and the boy that would carry the family name for another generation. I could see the excitement in her eyes. This is what the purpose of life is all about. This is what true joy and happiness is. These moments.
The week though would make an interesting turn as the doctors would inform us that one of the tests came back that Lucas's skin had a "contaminant" and that they would have to keep him longer. My poor little boy who had just made his appearance into the world just hours later now had to undergo a bunch of tests including a lumbar puncture. If you don't know what that is, it's a procedure where a needle is inserted into the spine to extract a sample of spinal fluid. It's a painful procedure, and somehow my little boy was able to go through this like a champ. During this week, the outpouring of support that Katherine and I received was absolutely incredible. This ranged from members of our church congregation bringing Katherine and I dinners at the hospital since Katherine had been officially discharged. From personal experience, living a week in the NICU was worse than that of being in jail. While I am eternally grateful for the Dr.s and nurses that helped us, the environment was incredibly stressful. But those people who supported us, did more than I think they will ever know.
Fast forward to September 2012. Lucas is only 6 1/2 months old, and I receive the phone call that I didn't want to ever have to receive. Time was incredible short, and my mom's days were numbered. So we drive down to the hospital where she is at, and there is all of my family there. What an incredible experience that was. The inevitable is there, and we all know it, but you wouldn't know it by the amount of love that is in the room. It was almost like it was our typical routine visits that we had made for the last 2+ years. But we couldn't ignore the news that we had all received. While I will not share exactly what happened there, there is one experience I will share. My mom had ordered her dinner, and with it came some chocolate ice cream. She motioned to me to put Lucas on the bed, and I knew exactly what she was going to do. Up to this point, Lucas had not had chocolate ice cream before, but I knew that time was going to come to an end. The smile on her face as she fed her grandson that chocolate ice cream was priceless. A side note on that subject, when the time comes that I get to see her again, I'm going to let her know that she created his love for chocolate, but that's ok.
As you can see, these are heart felt expressions of love and support for us during this tough time. Seeing my mom make that transition from this life to the next was very eye opening. It was one that I was not prepared for, and that I was not aware of the physical process that the body goes through as it prepares to move on . While it was hard to watch, I knew that Heavenly Father was in control and that was a crucial thing to keep in mind as I went through this phase of life, that definitely changed me forever.
September 11, 2012, my mom passed away in her sleep at home, just as she wanted. It was amazing to see the overwhelming outpouring of love and support was nothing short of a miracle. My phone was constantly going off with notifications, messages and phone calls. I felt a great amount of support, especially from my sweet wife. She was there for me in a way that I never knew that someone could. I couldn't have made it through that time without her. As I stood at the pulpit, on the day of her funeral, I looked out over all of those who were in attendance, and there were individuals who were absolutely amazing. They were all there to celebrate this life that had blessed all of us, and it amazed me to see the impact that she had on the community. I have given many talks in front of lots of people, including senators, and other government officials. But nothing would push me to my limits than that of speaking at my mom's funeral. I know that she was proud of me in that moment.
Since then, while it's been hard to continue on, I have been blessed to have the absolute best family and friends who have had my back. I want to thank you all for your continued support
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